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Meep Burgers
By Adrian Perez

Somewhere in the Amazon Jungle, January 2nd 2009:

Von Braun could feel the Noble Prize in his hands. By far this was the discovery of a lifetime. The tribe he had discovered was of an amazingly isolated nature. And the Meeps were what finished the picture.

Two months ago, Edward Von Braun had stepped into the clearing of the Omacwa village. The boy holding his hand was a member of this small tribe. Without the fear of white men or their culture, the boy lead him to the village. In a month and a half, Edward had most of their language down.

These last two weeks, he had forgotten his anthropoligical find and moved out to the pastures of the tribe. Around an outcropping of bushes the Omacwa livestock milled about. They were all drinking from the waterhole. The animals barely even noticed Von Braun as he circled around them. The boy in charge of this small herd walked in front of him, cane in hand. He made gentle sounds to the livestock that mimiced their noises, a quiet, "Meep meep."

Edward sat on a patch of grass and began sketching in his notebook. The images of the livestock were downright disturbing. The creatures were about four feet tall. They had a pelt similar to a cow's, very short hair, with a black brown color pattern. All normal on the adjective list until you get to the disturbing word: bipedal. The creatures stood on their hind legs like any human adolescent. They also had aposable thumbs on their hands. However, the similarity to simians or humans ended with two legs because the creature had next to no neck or head. The animal also possesed a huge upper body, the region where most of its meat was located. The two eyes were large and placed eternally far apart in a non-predator formation, looking away from the sides of the animal. It was strange, that for an animal that looked so different from any other type of livestock, the creature had the same stupid expression of a bovine.

The Meeps, as Edward had come to call them, were delicious. It was just like beef but ten times better. The Meep could be prepared like beef, ground, sliced, rotisseried, grilled, baked. It was just like beef, but ten times better.

Somewhere in California, April 9th 2014:

Voight Powers sat on his porch, calmly sweating. The view from his location was one of low grassland. Across this grassland roamed all of Powers' Meep herd. Powers was the founder of the Meep transition and had grown rich from importing the creatures into the US. He possessed the largest ranch in the state, but by now had been surpassed by the ranches in the rest of the country. This was of little matter to Voight Powers. He was as rich as he wanted to be, and had changed the world in a very visible way. Sure he had failed with the Emu, but the Meep was king now.

The Meeps went on in their brainless waltz across the landscape. Across the world this waltz was occuring everywhere. They moved in a way that could not even be compared with cows. Perhaps it was an effect of their humanoid characteristics. A person could not help but compare these creatures with humans. It was hard enough not to anthropamorphize pets and animals that were not remotely like humans. But the initial reaction of disgust to a livestock that for all intents and purposes looked like it should be intelligent soon gave way.For the way to humanity's heart is through its stomach.

Voight Powers could taste the phrase on his lips, the comment of an anthropoligist that was now the slogan of the Meep transition. LIKE BEEF, BUT TEN TIMES BETTER. The return on these creatures was also ten times better. Powers ignored the view as his wife came through the front door with a steaming dish of Meep steak. She set it down on the fold-out table and sat next to him.

Across the yard a Meep jumped the fence. They rarely did, but Powers was ready for such an occasion. He lifted himself out of the chair and went inside for the Meep prod. Rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen, he found the herding device and returned to the front porch. The Meep had paused, pulling up thick green grass that surrounded a water trough. In a moment, Voight was a meter from it and holding out the rod to shock it in the back. A quick motion and the creature had disarmed him. It hit him with the rod several times and Voight promptly crumpled to the ground. There was a lot of screaming on Misses Powers' behalf, but before the Meep could silence her with the…well, it was a human prod now…she fell into a shocked silence as the entire Meep herd began pouring over the fences. Never the less, the Meep with the prod hit her several times to make sure she would be quiet.

Around the World

Groups of Meeps jumped fences and before ranchers could contain them, the creatures had wandered into the army bases nearby. Others stampeded into towns and quickly siezed modes of transportation and important power and communication centers. In Washington D.C., as the President passed a Meep to the Prime Minister of North Korea to represent the new trade agreement that had been reached, the Meep picked up the plaque that commemorated the talks and hit both the President and Prime Minister on the head several times.